Roofied

"To this day I am not sure why the guy in the cowboy hat targeted me. I am not sure what lesson he wanted to teach me or why he felt he needed to teach me anything at all. " It was a moment that forever changed my life. I woke up in a bed and for some reason, I immediately began checking…

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Early Morning Epiphanies

"I can be empathetic of his trauma while holding him accountable for the decisions he made. After all, he could have made different ones." The empathy I have for others is a blessing and a curse, or so I used to think. My empathy has always been what I have considered to be one of my greatest qualities. It allows me to…

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It Was Just Supposed to be Coffee

"When we got back to Wal-Mart, I just wanted him to get the fuck out of my car. He sat in the passenger seat and asked me not to tell anyone. He finally got out. I wanted to teleport to another continent, but all I could do was back out of my parking spot and start driving." I worked at Wal-Mart as…

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Forgive Yourself for What You Needed to do to Survive

"I yelled. I screamed. I said awful things. I broke things. I slapped him across the face on two different occasions. I pushed him. I slammed doors. I teetered on the edge of despair and outrage every single day." I have thought long and hard about this particular post. It requires a level of vulnerability and honesty that is downright uncomfortable. In…

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The Gut-Wrenching Shame

"Maybe I needed to hear it wasn’t my fault as many times as he had told me it was my fault. Maybe I needed to hear it even more times than that, but after hearing it over and over again like a broken record, I started to believe it." Throughout my marriage and since my divorce, I have been plagued with at…

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Giving My Survivor Speech

"It was one of the most incredible experiences I have ever had in my life. We talked. We shared. We hugged. We entered into an unspoken sisterhood. They have forever changed my life." I can still vividly remember walking up to Bolton Refuge House's front doors feeling as though my stomach was in my throat. I had never shared my experiences with…

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Preparing My Survivor Speech

"In war terms, he was planning a sneak attack, where he would ambush my defenses a little at a time until there was nothing left." One of the most profound things I have ever done thus far in my life was getting up in front of a room full of strangers and sharing, in agonizing detail, what happened to me. It was…

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Health Kinesiology

"For the first time since I left the marriage, I was able to say these things out loud while feeling at peace. The harder the topic, the more vials she would tape on and the more relaxed I would feel." The first time I tried acupuncture was to address the recurring migraines I was experiencing. While acupuncture was an incredible, natural experience,…

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Therapy and Freedom

"I wanted him to feel powerless, scared and as though he may die at any moment and there was nothing he could do about it. I wanted to take away his power so he knew exactly how it felt." I started to see a licensed clinic social worker to address my nightmares specifically. Finding a therapist is a lot like buying a…

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The Nightmares

"We need to send a message to all victims and survivors: You matter and we believe you. You deserve to feel safe and loved." For me, the nightmares are one of the worst components of PTSD. When I am awake, while I still struggle, I have more control over myself. When dreaming however, I have no control. It doesn't matter how far…

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