Saying Nothing Doesn’t Mean Yes

The world needs more sexual education and more conversations about sex. As girls and women, we are told to be polite and to always think of the other person's feelings. While these are not bad things, they can be when it comes to sex. We grew up watching Disney movies showing princesses being saved by princes. At some point, we (or maybe…

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Incognito

I thought he had left my dreams. While his physical form is no longer present, he has taken other forms now. Ever since I started my current relationship, he shapeshifts into the form of my partner, Eric. I have awoken, my heart racing, to those familiar feelings of fear and inadequacy. In these dreams, Eric gets that smug, snide grin on his…

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Forgetting Forgiveness

I think we have all been bombarded with Facebook posts and conversations about forgiveness and how it is the most important key to our own healing and happiness. I never questioned it before. I mean, it sounds reasonable, right? True forgiveness has the ability to free us of the hurt, pain, and anger we hold onto as a result of some type…

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The Sifter

Sometimes I wish there was a sifting device for my brain. Something that would catch all of the clumps of fears and insecurities that were formed from my abuse. I wish I could assure my current partner that these clumps will never fall through. That he will never have to experience my panic attacks, my nightmares, and the times my brain goes…

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The Metamorphosis of Change

Change is devastatingly hard, but I think for the first time in my life I have faith in my wings and not the branch. Don’t get me wrong – the pain, the grief, and the agony are all still very raw. Sometimes I feel like I am so mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from crying that I have become a spectator of…

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A Survivor Story: Krissy

Krissy is a 45-year-old mother of three. Her main goal in sharing her story is to continue her journey to healing and hopefully help someone else heal.  I then went to close the side door, and he pushed me in.  I couldn't understand what was going on.  He then grabbed my hands and threw me to the floor of the van.  He…

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A Survivor Story: Marianne Harris’ Victim Impact Statement

After writing and rewriting my impact statement for sentencing, this is my finished product. I felt it needed to be more personal and what he did to me needs to be known. "Your Honor, My name is Marianne Harris. I am 40 years old. I met Dennis in early September of 2006. I was 28 years old. My ex-husband was arrested just…

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Who Are You Standing Next To?

"In my opinion, this is the most fucked up part of our recovery. We come to believe we wore something we shouldn't have, trusted too easily, or stood up for ourselves too fiercely. We literally blame ourselves for the trauma someone else caused by their intentional violation. It's absurd when you think about it. While I appreciate others assuming I have the…

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Supporting a Survivor

I have recently thought about how different my outcome may have been had my family turned away from me. I remember feeling so isolated and alienated during my marriage. Not only did I live 2.5 hours away from my family during my darkest moments, I often felt emotionally distant as well. I felt like a burden. I would bring them into my…

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A Letter to My Abuser

"You found subtle ways to destroy me, yet keep me on my hands and knees begging for your love. You cannot play the victim when you were the perpetrator in every sense of the word." Dear Travis, I used to cry in pain and agony, praying one day you would apologize for what you put me through. I used to think if…

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