Therapy and Freedom

"I wanted him to feel powerless, scared, and as though he may die at any moment and there was nothing he could do about it. I wanted to take away his power so he knew exactly how it felt." I started to see a licensed clinical social worker to address my nightmares specifically. Finding a therapist is a lot like buying a…

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The Nightmares

"We need to send a message to all victims and survivors: You matter and we believe you. You deserve to feel safe and loved." For me, nightmares are one of the worst components of PTSD. When I am awake, while I still struggle, I have more control over myself. When dreaming, however, I have no control. It doesn't matter how far I…

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Permission to Feel

"I felt relief. Relief. Relief that as I sat there, crying, make-up streaming down my flushed face, eyes swollen and red, snot running from my nose, I was me for the first time in a long time. Don’t get me wrong – I was a hot mess, but I was me." I think one of the most important things I have learned…

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Imprisoned As He Walks Free

"He is the doer of the bruises, of the pain, of the parts of my life that will never be the same, yet somehow I am the one wading through the aftermath while he feels validated – as though he is the victim." There are still days I wonder why he gets to go on with life like nothing happened when my…

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The Physical Symptoms of My Mental Conditions

"And I am deeper in my hole and beginning to be buried by shame. It’s dark. It’s scary. It’s physically and mentally painful – and it’s an all too familiar home. I’ve visited it many times." It's a knot in my stomach so tight it feels like a medical emergency. It's nausea that rises to the top of my throat and stays…

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