The Journey

Looking back on my interactions with the healthcare system throughout my abusive marriage, I am now able to recognize gross failures on behalf of numerous healthcare professionals. I wonder whether things would have turned out differently if this trajectory had been different. Maybe they wouldn’t have, but perhaps they would. When I attempted suicide on February 2nd, 2013, nurses in the emergency…

I yank my hand back each time it gets too close to the fire.I'm in fight or flight, and times, they have never been so dire.I wipe my brow from my close call,Never giving it much thought at all.Yet, when the pain runs so deep it's in my veins,I struggle to confidently take the reigns.In my heart, I know with each scrape…

How nice it must be to be complacent,Like your words and your actions did not render me paralyzed and breathless.You walk around validated and smug,As though my stumbles permit you to discredit me.Your entitled demeanor wrapped its hands around my neck until I was unable to speak,While you stood over me with justification and assurance.You took moments of my life-Moments I can…

I was recently told it is out of line for me to post abuser’s names on Survivorhood – by a woman. Not one of the women whose stories I have shared (When a survivor shares their story THEY dictate and approve every single word that appears in their post and choose whether their name and/or the name of their abuser is published.…

I thought he had left my dreams. While his physical form is no longer present, he has taken other forms now. Ever since I started my current relationship, he shapeshifts into the form of my partner, Eric. I have awoken, my heart racing, to those familiar feelings of fear and inadequacy. In these dreams, Eric gets that smug, snide grin on his…

I think we have all been bombarded with Facebook posts and conversations about forgiveness and how it is the most important key to our own healing and happiness. I never questioned it before. I mean, it sounds reasonable, right? True forgiveness has the ability to free us of the hurt, pain, and anger we hold onto as a result of some type…

Sometimes I wish there was a sifting device for my brain. Something that would catch all of the clumps of fears and insecurities that were formed from my abuse. I wish I could assure my current partner that these clumps will never fall through. That he will never have to experience my panic attacks, my nightmares, and the times my brain goes…

Change is devastatingly hard, but I think for the first time in my life I have faith in my wings and not the branch. Don’t get me wrong – the pain, the grief, and the agony are all still very raw. Sometimes I feel like I am so mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from crying that I have become a spectator of…