I met my now ex-husband in April 2012. We had met on OkCupid and had been texting back and forth. The first time he asked me out on a date, I rescheduled at the last minute because I was working on my master’s thesis. The second time he invited me over for a bonfire at his place and I decided to go (I do not recommend this decision – it is best to meet anyone online at a very public location).
I parked across the street as he came to greet me and walked me to his house. Some of his friends and family were there and they seemed to be having a good time. We sat around the fire and talked and laughed for a while before he gave me a tour of his house. His sister and her children were staying with him at the time as was his daughter. He spoke in a loving and genuine way about his daughter, nieces, and nephew. I remembered thinking how great it was to meet someone who seemed so invested in their family.
We all moved from the bonfire to the basement where we had a few drinks and played a few games. Throughout the night he found various ways to touch me, whether he was putting his hand on my back or on my hand. He asked several questions to learn more about me and took care of all of my needs while I was there. I was so glad I decided to show up and felt like we were really hitting it off. He insisted I spend the night since I had been drinking, which I did.
The next morning when his nieces and nephew woke up, he leaped into uncle mode, changing diapers, making them breakfast, and playing with them before taking me out for breakfast. During breakfast, we talked for hours and laughed a lot. He walked me to my car and asked me when he could see me again.
I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe I found someone who loved children, was responsive to me, and really wanted a commitment.
The following weeks were a whirlwind. He texted or called me all of the time and was always asking when he could see me. He was open about the feelings he had for me – with me and his friends and family. I fell and I fell hard. I felt like I finally found the person I might spend the rest of my life with.
I was set to graduate from grad school that May. My classes were finished and I was working on completing my thesis. I had a job lined up in Minnesota that fell through at the last minute when they decided they wanted to develop a training program before hiring new graduates. I was devastated. He took my hand and told me I could stay with him for a while until I could get back on my feet – or for however long I would like.
It was fast, but I was smitten. We moved my things into his place at the end of May. Once I was in his house and without a job, things slowly started to change…
Photo: Flickr – Giuseppe Milo