For twelve years, I suffered. Migraines that left me incapacitated, chronic stomach pain that doctors brushed off, fatigue so severe that even the simplest tasks felt insurmountable. Alongside these physical symptoms, I battled depression and anxiety, each feeding into the other like an endless cycle of despair. I searched for answers, enduring countless medical tests, surgeries, and consultations with specialists from multiple healthcare systems. Yet, no one could tell me what was wrong.
I was honest. I was open. I told doctors about my past—about the domestic abuse, the trauma, the strangulations. I laid bare the violence I had endured, hoping that someone, anyone, would connect the dots. Instead, I was met with the same response: “You should go to therapy.”
Of course, therapy was necessary, and it helped me process the emotional wounds of my past. But it didn’t stop the migraines. It didn’t relieve the pain in my body. It didn’t cure my exhaustion. My symptoms were not just in my head, and yet, I was repeatedly dismissed.
It wasn’t until recently that I finally received two life-altering diagnoses: fibromyalgia and sleep apnea.
Had doctors truly listened, had they asked the right questions, my suffering could have been cut short by years. These are the questions they should have asked:
- Have you ever been assessed for sleep apnea? Do you wake up feeling unrested, even after a full night’s sleep? Has anyone told you that you stop breathing in your sleep?
- Do you experience widespread pain that moves around your body? Is the pain worse after exertion?
- Do you have unexplained gastrointestinal symptoms? Have you been tested for conditions beyond common digestive disorders?
- Have you noticed cognitive issues such as brain fog, trouble concentrating, or memory lapses?
- Have your symptoms worsened over time, even with various treatments?
- Have you ever had a full sleep study or a comprehensive evaluation by a neurologist or rheumatologist?
If these questions had been asked—and if my answers had been taken seriously—I could have been properly diagnosed years ago. Instead, I lost time. Time spent in pain, struggling to work, struggling to function, struggling to simply exist.
The impact on my professional and personal life has been staggering. I had to step away from work multiple times due to overwhelming fatigue and pain. My ability to enjoy life, to be present with my loved ones, and to pursue my passions was diminished. There were days I couldn’t get out of bed, and still, I was made to feel like it was all in my head.
My story is not unique. So many trauma survivors experience unexplained chronic illnesses, and too often, they are dismissed by the very professionals meant to help them. Trauma changes the body. It disrupts the nervous system, weakens the immune system, and increases the risk of chronic pain conditions. Research has shown clear links between adverse childhood experiences, post-traumatic stress, and conditions like fibromyalgia and sleep disorders. Yet, despite the growing evidence, the medical community still fails to connect these dots for countless patients.
So, how do you navigate a healthcare system that is not built to see the full picture?
- Advocate for yourself. If a doctor dismisses your symptoms, push for more testing, ask for referrals, and seek second or third opinions if necessary.
- Request a sleep study. If you suffer from chronic fatigue, headaches, or brain fog, demand a full sleep evaluation. Sleep disorders are often overlooked, especially in women.
- Find a trauma-informed provider. Not all doctors understand the deep physiological impacts of trauma. Look for specialists in functional medicine, neurology, or rheumatology who take a holistic approach.
- Keep records of your symptoms. Tracking your pain, fatigue, and sleep disturbances can provide tangible evidence for doctors.
- Don’t settle for “it’s just anxiety.” Mental health and physical health are deeply connected, but being told to “just go to therapy” is not an answer when you are experiencing real, debilitating physical symptoms.
If you are struggling with mysterious, chronic symptoms and a past history of trauma, don’t let the medical system gaslight you into believing it’s all in your head. You deserve to be heard. You deserve real answers. And most of all, you deserve relief.
For twelve years, I fought for mine. I hope my story helps others find theirs sooner.